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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  February 26, 2014 9:00am-9:31am PST

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perating system lets your watch live tv anywhere. can i watch it in butterfly valley? sure. can i watch it in glimmering lake? yep. here, too. what about the dark castle? you call that defense?! come on! [ female announcer ] watch live tv anywhere. the x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. dufresne. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. the program tonight will be exceptional. my guest tonight michio kaku. he is a theoretical quantum
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physicists post laying on the neurosciences. i will ask him to give me his lunch money. [ laughter ] let's begin in the ukraine. a barrier twixt between east and west, a thin borscht wall f you will show the russian influence, represented here by the crying bear, a classic icon of russian power and european influence represented by an (bleep). [ laughter ] who thinks his tiny coffee is somebody better than anybody else's coffee. if it was so great, why don't you drink more of it? [laughter]
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>> anyway my point is ukraine descended to chaos. >> the the problems began when president yanukovych favored the union. a country split in two until demonstrators finalry called for president yanukovych to step down. >> riot police and protesters clashed again in kiev's independence square. >> jon: first thing i'm going to do when i'm a dictator, i'm going get rid of all these (bleep) squares. [ laughter ] nothinging good happens -- nothing good happens for dictators in squares. [laughter] you never hear about uprisings in tahir triangle or tiannanmen rom drhombus. you never hear that. it's a terrible situation, a
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complicated situation. there are historic divisions amongst west leaning ukrainians and those who consider themselves russian. there's fallouts from the revolution. parallels here with the arab spinning or to put all this in particle lance our media can understand. >> i wonder how it will play in 2014 or even 1026. >> jon: yes. the crucial question as ukrainians bravely take to the streets as always, what does it mean for our mid terms or perhaps our presidential election? after all you crane does rank as an issue voters care about just under equal rights for governments -- ghosts and should evolution be taught in pools. i'm sure ukraine is equally as fixated on american politics. >> i believe this uprise willing help christie. we've done it to distract
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americans from bridgegate. >> jon: come on. the problem isn't how future presidents might handle ukraine it's how could our current president have let this happen. >> ukraine and other countries trying to get some freedom but the president has lost moral authority. >> the president needs to up his game and send a clear public message to putin. >> we continue to let vladmir putin push us around. >> when you project weakness, people don't fare you and they do what they want. >> jon: so weak. so mad at our weakness. thanks to obama's lily livered chamberlainesque appeasement of the ruler of the -- [laughter] old ivan. he gets to pull the strings and once again claim ukraine for the -- what they calling it now
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putin-ista n, whatever they are calling it. the only thing wrong is that it appears the putin forces are losing a handle on the ukraine but really never mind i'm sure a populous uprising against his puppet is his plan and we know which president would have the method for this mess. >> what would ronald reagan have done. >> woe lead the free world. >> he broke down the wall. ended the cold war. >> no red lines, he simply acted. >> jon: yes, i should know because my name is oliver north and when i worked for ronald reagan i illegal sold weapons to iran and illegally took that money and illegally gave it to nick rawgan death squads or as we called it back then simply acting. [ laughter ] but point taken. reagan would not let these freedom-hating russian ukrainians push us around.
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the soviet union invaded afghanistan, reagan simply acted. >> when the soviet union invaded in 1979 [explosion] a group of afghan muslims declared a holy war. they were known as the mujahidin. both the carter and reagan administrations gave them $3 billion in military aid to fight the off iset. >> jon: problem solved reagan style. >> the most militant extremist faction of the mujahidin turned into the taliban. [laughter] >> jon: right. [laughter] but we didn't have to fight those guys for at least 12 more years and reagan was simply gone by then. and when the freedom-loving iraqis got into a war with iran, reagan simply acted.
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ayou log saudi arabia to sell saddam hussein american-made weapons. [laughter] but we didn't have to fight that guy for like two more years. [ laughter ] and then again 1 years after that. -- 12 years after that. the point is this: reagan acted no matter what the (bleep) was going to happen. [ laughter ] not like old president sits on his hands content to do nothing but fire hell fire missiles into foreign countries and arm syrian rebels and bomb libya, you know passive stuff. [ laughter ] the point is, while we were dilly dalying, putin got the advantage. i'm sure his man yanukovych was strengthening the grip on authority while loosening his shirt and doing a man boob power transfer. >> president viktor yushchenko
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fleeing the capital of kiev. >> waiting for may elections. >> jon: wait the putin guy fled? forces of freedom prevailed? i think it's pretty clear what happened here? the ghost of reagan. [ laughter ] haunted yanukovych, told him to leave p boo crane. there's no other explanation. >> two days before he fled an obama administration official says he was on the phone for more than two hours with vice president joe biden. biden told him the window for a resolution to the crisis was quickly closing. >> jon: no wonder he got the (bleep) out there. two hours on the phone with joe biden? [cheers and applause] we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] when you switch to sprint's new framily plan, friends are like family, so who's gonna be in yours? let's get a sound guy and some roadies. [ male announcer ] but the more people you add,
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(makes bleeping noises) woman: uhh... connie: your jeans they fit so good! woman: i got them at old navy, nineteen bucks! connie: larry! these jeans are only nineteen bucks at old navy! (crowd gasps) larry: those jeans are only 19 dollars?! woman: and kids jeans are twelve dollars! connie: woaaaw! (music starts) larry: connie wait!! [cheers and applause] jorchg ladies and. >> jon: ladies and gentlemen, i'm so excited. it's time once again to check in on our neighbors to the south. no not -- [laughter] we're not doing a story on the 51st food market, not our literal neighbors to the south. they do have a terrific turkey sandwich. my point is this, thank you. mexico. [ laughter ] after more than a decade a brutal war with massive drug cartels has been a defining fact
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of life and last weekend a break. >> the capture of one of most wanted criminals on the planet who headed the most powerful drug operation in the world. mexican drug lord joaquin guzman known as el chapo has been captured ending a 13-year long manhunt. >> jon: el chapo got el popped-o. it translated to either a short stout person or corn porridge. [laughter] which kind of a weird name for a tough game. let me introduce you to my gang. you know me corn porridge. over in the corner jimmy oatmeal, gary gruel. this tuft customer over here frankie cream of wheat. we're part of your crime syndicate. [ laughter ] let me tell you something don't let the cute handle fool you
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this guy no bueno. this man was a true mastermind and lethal. sources tell us he is responsible for more dead americans than osama bin laden. >> jon: suddenly corn porridge seems like an understated nickname. it would be like finding out hitler's friends called his little schnitzel. the reich will last 1,000 years under your leadership -- which is not to say guzman did not have a terrifyingingly impressive resume. chapo guzman is said to be the top supplier of illegal drugs in the u.s. >> forbes ranked him 67th ots most powerful people list. >> jon: really forbes you have
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to put him on the list? they know they don't have to do that? is the publicist that much of a pain in the ass. the best part is el chapo is number 67 and falls between the editor of the "new york times" and john boehner. [ laughter ] that's true. that must have been a very weird table at the banquet. [ laughter ] well, please to meet you i'm head of one of the most head and corrupt and vile institutions in north america. nice to meet you, too, i'm el chapo. boom house slam! [cheers and applause] [laughter] >> jon: i pulled out jane boehner's heart and eight it in front of all of you. -- ate in front of all of you.
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anything good about this guy? >> under guzman he employed more than one million armed gang members. >> jon: so he is a job creator? [laughter] at least his arrest will seriously damage the notorious sentinel cartel and stem this terrible flow of drug and violence started now. >> there's no shortage of men with decades of experience waiting to take his place. >> officials worry his arrest could lead to another bloody turf war. >> they created a power vacuum and that's where the violence comes in. >> jon: war on drugs. you know who would have handled this whole drug situation? reagan. no, no -- [laughter] not that one. >> just say no. >> jon: yeah! we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] are you flo? yes. is this the thing you gave my husband? well, yeah, yes. the "name your price" tool. you tell us the price you want to pay, and we give you a range of options to choose from.
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight a theoretical physicist, best selling author his new book is called the future of the mind. scientific question to understand, enhans and em -- enhance and empower the mind. please welcome to the program michio kaku. [cheers and applause] >> thanks. >> jon: how are you? >> very good. very good. >> jon: thank you for being here. >> glad to be on. >> jon: the future of the mind. this is -- i think, a subject
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which is so difficult for us to comprehend and it -- you find yourself in a feedback loop of stupidity. [ laughter ] for me -- the premise is that the mind is something that we will find downloadable to some extent. >> that's right. think of all the college courses that we flunked when we were younger, all the courses we cut. we might be able to have a play button. you upload mathematics, upload calculus into your brain. it's been done on a small level with mice. we can actually upload memories. >> jon: is that mouse's name algernon by any chance? because i know how this ends? [laughter] >> eventually we'll do it with pry mates and eventually perhaps with alzheimer's patients. we'll have a brain pacemaker
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that allows us to upload memories to a damaged hippo campus so that people that have alzheimer's will have memory again. it's one of objectives -- objectives of being able to upload a memory. >> jon: incredible. the idea would be while one side of industry focuses on maybe fixing the pathways biologically there's a whole other science that is working at this through data? >> that's right. we want to be able to decipher the thinking brain and perhaps connect the brain to a robot or a machine. think of stephen hawking my colleague. he is totally paralyzed. he has a chip in his right frame. next time you see him on tv there's a chip there that picks up radio waves from his mind, transfers it to a laptop and he can mentally type. >> jon: this is something present now. >> now. >> jon: and how does his -- how does the chip in his glasses
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pick up a radio wave that he generates from his brain? >> because it's very close to the brain. for other parents we put it -- patients we put it directly on the brain itself. a chip about the size of a dime connecting the chip to a laptop and then the person can operate a wheelchair, operate household applinessas shall surf the web, answer e-mails even if he is totally paralyzed. >> jon: it's incredible. is his chip not in his brain because his brain is so strong? [laughter] if you put the chip on his brain the chip bo be like stop yelling, can i hear you, you are so brainy? [laughter] but in terms of amounts of data, i would imagine like we're accustom to this glad we mapped the human gee known? >> it's peanuts compared to the complexity of the brain.
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what sits on your shoulder is the most complex object in the known universe. >> jon: in terms of computing power we have now in terms of trying to december sim nate the amount of activity and data flowing through the brain, where would we need to get to before it's a feasible transaction? >> we would have to build a computer the size of a city block cooled by a river. energized by a nuclear power plant to mimic the power of your brain which does it for 20 watts. when someone calls you a dim bulb it's a compliment. >> jon: it is a compliment. 20 watts of power to power the brain. le is that. what is the energy source of the brain that we're unable to figure out. >> for most people it's just a few hamburgers. however, we don't know how the brain actually functions. the brain is not a computer in the normal sense of the word. there's no operating system.
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there's no pentium chip or bind windows. it's a learning machine. it learns. >> jon: how zit exist outside -- how does it exist outside of it? >> physical president obama's brain initiative succeeds. >> jon: what? he has a brain initiative? he can't run a web site? what are you talking about? a brain initiative? >> they want to dump $1 billion to map the patways of human brain to solve the question of mental illness like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and one day they may have a cd rom that will love on after you die. in other words some for the of immortality say possible that consciousness may exist even outside the human body. it would be nice, right, living forever? [laughter] >> jon: sorry i'm thinking of like 300 years from now, you
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know, people that -- your kids and kids and kids taking you out of a cd jacket. playinging with grandpa for a little bit. >> and your descendants will be able to have a chat with you. personality traits, mannerisms will be there. >> all consciousness is are data points? >> in some sense in this line after proach your quote soul would be reduced to digital information that in some sense your great, great, great grand kids could access. >> jon: don't you think there's special sauce we don't know about that is more than just the functions? >> yeah, there's always the wild cards. >> jon: yeah. >> let me give you an example. if you are hit in the left part of the brain. >> jon: now you are just getting weird. [ laughter ] >> certainly people develop enormous math mat call powers. they become super geniuses. this is not the average blow to
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the brain. don't go home and sock yourself in the brain tonight hoping to become a supergenius. >> jon: that is smart. >> it's happened before. we think it's because the brain has lost its ability to forget. a photographic memory is not because memories die down with time. we forget how to forget. the forgetting mechanism is disabled in these individuals so it's like a tape recorder that keeps on taping and never erasing. >> jon: does it run out of memory at that point or will it continue to go? >> it continues to go. these people can remember a day 30 years ago on a tuesday on an afternoon at 2:00 in the afternoon they can tell you what book they were reading on what page. >> jon: why would our brains not do that all the time? why not buy the brain with the most memory? >> because eventually it trips you up. you get memory overnow. you get paralyzed with so many memories coming at you.
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many of these individuals, for example v a hard time -- have a hard time keeping an ordinary job because they remember too much. we forget for a reason believe it or not because it's good for survival and evolution to forget. >> jon: that's what booze is, yeah. [laughter] this stuff is incredible. we're on the cusp of really, truly amazinging things, are we not? >> this is the golden age of brain research. >> jon: i'm excited about this. the future of the mind. it's on the bookshelves now. very, very fascinatinging. michio kaku. thank
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aw, thanks kimmy cakes you're making us blush! go for greatness, people! pizza hut. make it great. >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment zen. >> ukrainians digesting the wealth of yanukovych at his personal retreat. the luxury never seemed to end. in his captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause )


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